*doubles over in sympathy, unable to breathe*
*stays still, not daring to look round*
Jimmy, I need you to do something for me.
*straightens, still not turning*
*takes a notebook from her pocket and writes*
I had to take a risk to save the life of someone I care about. I'm the only one in the world that could do it. Please understand that I love you with all my heart, but I have a responsibility to use the gift I've been given. To make it mean something; to make my life mean something. This is what I was destined to do.
If you're reading this, I couldn't get back. I promise you, though, it wasn't for lack of trying. I'd fight my way through hell to get back to you.
You need to know that the Ood's babies are mine, too. Please make sure they're cared for, for me.
And above all, my dearest, care for yourself. Don't you dare think of blaming yourself for this. Be grateful for what we had, what we could share together. And don't you dare stay alone. Don't give up, and be strong.
All my love,
*tears out the page and hands it to Jimmy*
If I don't come back, for whatever reason -give this to Arthur.
*still looking away* How long has it been?
*carefully folds up and pockets the note*
'bout quarter of an hour.
*bends to flick an ant off Jack's face*
You're handling this well. I'd have thought you'd be more upset.
*won't look at you, hands in pockets*
Yeah, I should be, shouldn't I?
I'm different now. A lot different.
*actually, kind of disturbingly fascinated by Jack's corpse*
*a little unnerved*
How does it feel?
Do you ever regret it?
I know so much more than I used to. All sorts of stuff. The sorts of things Daniel knows, or the Doctor. *shrugs* I guess I'm still only a kid, though.
*looks at you with black-green eyes*
I don't regret saving Harley. I just wish... I'm a freak now. I hafta get out of here.
It's just hard to know what to make of you now, Jimmy. We used to know you, and now we have to get to know you again.
*looks worried* Where will you go? Will you ever come back?
I dunno. Wackyland, maybe. I wanna keep an eye on Harley so I guess I'll be back now and then.
*not cryin'* Why'd this have to happen to me? Why was I born in the first place?
*takes your hand*
That's just what I said. When my family, when practically my whole planet, was destroyed, but I was brought back to life. When I found out about this immortality thing. I felt like a freak too.
Maybe you're meant to do something with it. Something no one else but you can do, that'll make the world better. That's how I came to terms with mine, anyway.
*voice trembles a little bit* I think it's been an hour by now.
Jesus, Lynda, are you sure about this?
*seizes both your hands in hers and looks at you fiercely*
Dont you ever tell anyone this. Especially not Arthur. Not ever. No one understands this, except Jack.
...Aside from failing Jack, I'd be okay with it if I didn't come back.
Death defines life. Without it, life feels empty and less precious. There's no risk.
*finally takes a good, long look at Jack* This is a real risk. At last. Whatever way it goes, I'll get something I want with all my heart.
*picks up the gun, shaking, and stares at it, transfixed*
*looks up at you suddenly*
You promise you won't tell a soul what I've said? And give the note to Arthur if I - if it doesn't work?
*keeps looking at you, scared*
*suddenly kisses you, eyes closed, as if making a wish, and comes away with tears in her eyes*
*takes a deep breath* This is going to hurt.
*raises the gun to her head and fires*
I bet it didn't, though.
*squats down beside the pair of you, back to the tree, and waits*